A new chapter pending....
I can see the fear in your eyes! The way your clutching that clipboard is far too familiar and I can’t help but sympathise with the overwhelming feeling of what if!
The waiting room is silent yet filled with women and men of all ages, even the silence says a thousand words and if I could go back and prepare my then self for the news I was about to get, I would!
We all have that one coping mechanism when fear consumes us. I have a tendency to develop a leg shake, so much so I could perform keep me ups whilst sitting in the chair and even though my naivety always reassures me everything will be fine, deep down we will never know the outcome until the results are in!
Fear consumes us all and overpowers our ability to rationalise any situation we may be in and that familiar sickly feeling is a reminder we genuinely care for a positive outcome. Unfortunately, yet again my outcome was not a positive one!
On the 13th February 2020 my biggest fear came to fruition. My surgeon uttered the words “Lucy it seems there is cancer again in your lymph nodes”. Being truthful, I think I knew the results deep down. My gut instinct kicked in whilst I awaited the dreaded results! So here I am being told that the big C wants to test me AGAIN! I am utterly devastated, not just for me but my loved ones because yet again they have to see me fight for my life. I often wonder... am I being punished? Who knows, I guess the unknown forces will never reveal why dreadful things happen in this life!
This was my ultimate fear since I got the all clear, I knew I was at risk of my cancer returning or a new cancer developing which is why it hasn’t come as a shock! Yes I am devastated, who wouldn’t be but I have to keep a level head and prepare for all scenarios. I guess we are all on borrowed time but it’s what we do with our time that is important.
We have now had time to grieve and process this but we are still unaware of the full diagnosis. Scans are due shortly and my oncologist will have a plan for me to kick this demon once and for all 🤞🏼
Cancer sucks and I will fight this on my terms!!!