February was the month they gained their angel wings
I am hoping that not many people can say they lost both parents at the age of 17/18, within 9 days of each other and battled/BEAT cancer!!! Sadly this is a reality for me.
Seeing as we are approaching the month to celebrate love, I thought I would share why this month is particularly hard for me. February is a month to celebrate my birth (11th) but also mourn the loss of both my parents.
I was 17 when my mum passed away of natural causes due to chronic alcoholism. This was on the 7th February 2006, also my brother’s birthday. How I saw my mum will never leave me and has forever scarred me but I gained some peace knowing she passed away how she always said she wanted to. My parents lost my twin sister to cot death at 3 months old and my mum always said if she was to go, she would want to go in her sleep!
I returned back from college on this day and found my mum had peacefully passed away in her sleep. Thankfully, our neighbour had come in the house with me because she had been trying to get hold of my mum.
My mum was poorly for a while but we could never of imagined we would lose her like we did. She left behind her children and a lot of people that loved her dearly. I can say proudly that she was an amazing mum, she would have given us the shirt off her back and often gave us her last tenner!
She was the most beautiful person inside and out. I take so much comfort in knowing I got the privilege to have a mum like her and to remember her young and beautiful.
I had my 18th birthday on the 11th February and of course we had a cheeky drink in her memory but would have much rather of had her with me, dancing and singing on the tables. She was the life of the party and lit up any room.
My dad had been diagnosed a couple of weeks before with Leukaemia so he was in isolation at Guildford hospital, receiving treatment. I have to say, the diagnosis of my dad’s cancer certainly turned my mums world upside down. Although they were not together, she still loved him deeply.
I remember the day like it was yesterday. We got a call to go up to the hospital (we were choosing the funeral music for my mum on this day) and we naively thought the doctors wanted to give us an update on the cancer treatment my dad was receiving, how wrong were we! My sister and I got to the hospital and were asked to make our way down to intensive care. I had no idea what went on at this ward and how seriously ill the patients were, until this day.
We were sat waiting outside the consultant’s room and I remember looking up and seeing a room which said "family room". Why would they need a family room?
We were called in and the nurse just said "I have some bad news for you".
I knew at that moment our world was about to be rocked and shattered into a thousand pieces. "Your dad is very sick and we don't think he will make it through the night". I couldn't physically breathe!
Nothing could prepare anyone to receive bad news but to find out we would essentially be parentless by the time night fell, definitely tested my faith, trust in what was good and most of all my strength. We did get to see our dad before he fell into a coma and in true Caz style he still managed to have us and the nurses laughing.
My dad passed away due to not having any white blood cells to fight off an infection he developed in his bowel. The chemotherapy he started to receive knocked his body for six and just could not fight the infection.
I saw my dad who was my hero, and my strength looking weak and frail. They say a parent should never have to bury their child, I strongly agree with this statement but also, a child should never have to bury their parents and watch them suffer!
I cannot remember the time frame exactly but we buried our parents within a week of each other. Then all of a sudden we were left to fend for ourselves, without the two people who bought us into this cruel world.
So many kids out there have lost their parents at a young age and every story is different. In society today, it's almost the norm for children to be left without parents, whether it be by choice or not. I have always believed there are many others out there worse off, this helps to keep me grounded and appreciate what I do have.
I had the pleasure of knowing and loving my parents for 18 years. I am bitter that I didn't get any more time with them but I take comfort knowing I will never have to watch them grow old, never see them struggle, but remember them young and vibrant.
Always appreciate each day, as if its your last with your loved ones, especially your parents. You never know when it will be the last time you see their face, feel their touch or hear their voice.