Life will never be the same!
It’s heartbreaking to lose someone, people say time is a healer and I guess this is true in many ways but when you lose your parents, no matter how many years go by, you still feel the loss as if your living that day all over again. When they pass, you feel like you haven’t yet woken from a bad dream.
You think it’s just grieving the loss of someone who has loved you since the day you were brought into the world but in fact, it’s much more than that. You don’t just miss having them around, you miss the things you used to do with them, it’s also missing the comfort and security you had when they were here. Life as you knew it will never be the same, the path you thought you were on has taken an unexpected turn.
I wanted to share my grief and the things that changed overnight when I lost both my parents within 9 days of each other. It was as if someone pressed the re-start button on my life, I was having to fend for myself, learn to cope on my own, I was expected to let go of my old life and start again.
My family were not religious but even in the darkest hours of your life you turn to the unknown. Sometimes hope and will is all you have. I certainly do not believe in god or the after life (my own views) but when my dad was in hospital fighting the fight, I held his hand with my head on his chest and prayed to my mum to save him. She had passed 9 days before but I held onto that little bit of hope that she could keep him here with us. We already lost her and the least they could do was to save my dads life. This never came to be, he lost his fight and from then on I viewed the world and my beliefs differently.
You learn to accept things for what they are whilst still having that glimpse of hope.
You learn to cope with grief and loss which is scary but if you didn’t, you would be in a dark hole in the ground.
I no longer have the connection to the two most important people in my life. I loved them completely and we were their everything, they would have given us the shirt of their backs and the last penny they had. I learnt what real emotional pain was, my first experience of heartbreak at the age of 17 and not from some silly little crush but the loss of the most amazing people I had the privilege of calling my mum and dad.
Even when I would mess up or be a gigantic pain in the arse, they still stood by me, even though they probably wanted to throw the towel in, on numerous occasions, they didn’t.
When your growing up, you don’t have a care in the world, no bill worries, no responsibilities, you just focus on school, your friends and just being a kid. I was 17/18 when both my parents passed, I was in college focusing on becoming a physiotherapist and working part time. My world was flipped upside down unexpectedly, I needed a full time job to support us, I had to grow up and become the responsible one. Having parents gives you some sort of stability, yes we all have our own lives and family etc but knowing you have the support network can make life seem like a breeze.
It’s all about balance and when I lost my parents, I had no balance, without them being here to guide me and be the voice of reason, I had no clue which path to take.
You learn to appreciate them, even though it maybe too late, you realise how much they did for you and how much they cared. You acknowledge their downfalls and mistakes but don’t hold it against them, it moulded them into the amazing people they were.
It’s only when someone important to you is no longer around, you realise just how special they were!
The many people that had the privilege of knowing my dad knew he wasn’t a fan of the television, I guess that’s why there are so many of us!
My parents were not together when they both passed and previously had children with their other halves, so when they passed we were all left without a parent or even both.
We were all used to some of us living in separate households but when they passed, we were split up to different parts of the world. Some of us stayed in the South, two of my brothers moved to the North and two moved to America. When a death happens it’s not just the separation from that loved one, it can also affect the entire family and in my case it did.
I didn’t have the support and guidance when deciding my future education, i didn’t have the luxury of being financially stable in the beginning, we didn’t have a home to call ours and we no longer had those people present to tell us everything would be ok. You turn to your parents when your in trouble and we suffered a devastating loss and we couldn’t turn to the two people who could reassure us.
We had such a big family and we was lucky enough to experience other parts of the world. We would go away once or even twice a year as a family and make many memories.
When my parents passed away, sadly these stopped, we could no longer make those memories in the sun. We have had to make our own memories without them and now when I venture on my jolly’s, I always reminisce to the holidays we shared as a family. There is nothing like a family holiday, riding the fair ground bulls, experiencing the Irish bars, pool fun, karaoke and most of all, fun in the sun.
My mum and dad will never get to know my daughter and vice versa, my dad couldn’t walk me down the isle and my mum never experienced being the brides mum! They won’t get to enjoy seeing us all grow up and achieve our aspirations, it’s just not fair that they never got to experience life after 42!
It’s heartbreaking knowing my daughter will never truly know them or have the pleasure of calling them nanny and grandad.
Inevitably, when a parent passes away, it causes a ripple effect. Our lives will never be the same, that’s a fact, we just have to make the most of what we have.
It’s the happiest memories that hurt the most but we shouldn’t be upset they are over, we should be happy we experienced them.